In today’s charged political climate, it’s difficult to listen to the news. Bias and political parties make things into a muddled mess, and nearly every story is morbid and depressing. This article, however, is something different, something brand new - a news outlet that errs on the lighter side of life. This is Carson Corner, where current news for the spring is brought to you by the unique and eccentric voice of Carson Hunsley, junior at Madison High. Carson unabashedly shares his take on current headlines, and does not hesitate to share his knowledge, or lack thereof, on any and all subjects. This refreshing news and commentary is simply for the people, by the people.
Without further ado, enjoy Carson’s comments on hot-button issues in Carson Corner!
Carson’s Take On …
Russian Collusion.
“I love the place. But, y’know, if [Russian interference] is true, then I don’t really love the place. That’s pretty dirty. Leave the US elections to the US people, y’know?”
The Opioid Epidemic.
“It’s an awful thing in today’s society, and we need to do something about it.”
When prompted on exactly what actions America should take, his answer was, ”I don’t know. That’s for the federal agents to find out.”
North Korean Hostility.
“North Korea, those crazy loons.”
Measles Outbreaks.
“That's awful.”
School Shootings.
“That’s awful and there should definitely be a stronger way to not let bad people get guns, like background checks and stuff. I’m a hunter and I like guns, but if somebody buying a gun … if they have anything sketchy or shady looking [about them], they should say ‘NOPE!’ and not let them have it.”
Caster Semenya’s Court Ruling, and the Fact that She has to Lower Natural Testosterone Levels to Complete.
“Well, if it’s all natural, and she didn’t do anything to enhance it, then there’s no reason she should have to change. She should be allowed to run and stuff.”
Arming Teachers.
“I wrote a paper about that one time. I don't really know what I wrote about or what side I was on.”
Easier Access to Contraceptives.
“It depends on the situation, but I think it’ll help … it’ll probably help make less babies.”
Impeaching President Trump.
“Y’know, I’m a big fan of the dude, but also not a big fan of the dude at the same time. I like his golf game, but anything else…”
Genetically Engineering Humans.
”Not good. Not cool at all. I would not engineer my kids to have red hair. That’s awful.”
Sexism.
“Well that's awful… sexism is bad. I respect women.”
The Mueller Report.
“Ah, well, I don’t know anything about it.”
Increasing Meth Use in America.
“That’s awful. Never done it myself. Let’s hope it doesn’t get to Madison.”
The 2020 Presidential Election.
“Well … vice president what’s his face - Biden? Is it Biden? Or wait, Pence - he’s a vice president too ... Well, anything can go up from where we’re at right now. We’re just hoping for the best for the future of America.”
The Gender Wage Gap.
“Oh, like boys and girls make different amounts of money? I think they should make the same if they’re doing the exact same job. I thought we ended all that stuff a long time ago but I guess not.”
That’s all for Carson’s top of the line commentary. If you enjoyed Carson Corner, tune in next time the Maroon Newspaper is published! There’s nothing like good, simple news.